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You ever get that feeling that something is wrong with you but you can’t put your finger on it? Well, that had been me for decades. I thought I was suffering from depression and anxiety. I’d go from therapist to therapist when I felt myself struggling desperate to find out what was wrong with me.

Lo and behold, all these years later, I was finally diagnosed with Complex-PTSD. Huh?

I thought that was reserved for people who had fought in wars? Nope. Other people suffer from Complex PTSD. Other people like me.

Here’s part science and part of my story to finally have a diagnosis that feels right.

What is Complex PTSD?

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is a condition that can result from prolonged or repeated trauma, often occurring in situations where the individual feels trapped. Unlike traditional PTSD, which can develop after a single traumatic event, C-PTSD is typically associated with long-term trauma such as chronic childhood abuse, domestic violence, human trafficking, or living in a war zone. This condition encompasses all the symptoms of PTSD but also includes additional symptoms and difficulties, especially related to emotional regulation and self-perception.

That was science talking. Now, I have something to say. Let’s re-read that one sentence: prolonged or repeated trauma, often occurring in situations where the individual feels trapped.

Trapped. Like if you’re enduring emotional abuse but feel you have to stay? Yep. Like if you are in a toxic relationship— be it familial or intimate— and you feel like you have to remain connected? Yep. Both of those situations can result in your suffering from prolonged and repeated trauma? Absolutely.

Symptoms of Complex PTSD

The symptoms of C-PTSD can be more pervasive and severe compared to PTSD. They often include:

1. Emotional Dysregulation:

- Difficulty managing emotions, with frequent feelings of intense anger, sadness, or fear.

- Persistent feelings of emptiness or hopelessness.

- Sudden and intense mood swings.

There have been times in my life where I have had difficult managing my emotions. I’ve had moments of intense anger and sadness. Neither of these things happens as much to me now as it used to, but it’s still there lurking in the bushes.

2. Negative Self-Perception:

- Deep-seated feelings of guilt, shame, or worthlessness.

- Feeling fundamentally flawed or broken.

- Chronic self-criticism and self-blame.

I have felt guilt on so many levels. Guilt about success, happiness, good fortune. You name it, I’ve felt guilty about it.

3. Interpersonal Difficulties:

- Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.

- Avoidance of social interactions or an inability to trust others.

- Tendency to enter into unhealthy or abusive relationships.

I do not trust people very much. I am distrustful of people. I do not want to be, but I am.

4. Distorted Perception of the Perpetrator:

- Preoccupation with the relationship to the abuser.

- Attributing total power to the perpetrator, often coupled with a sense of powerlessness.

Feeling like you cannot get away from people who are emotionally abusive toward you. I’ve definitely suffered from this.

5. Altered Consciousness:

- Dissociation or feeling detached from oneself.

- Memory problems, including amnesia for certain periods of the traumatic experience.

There are several swaths of time in my life that I simply do not remember. I have no recollection of at all.

6. Physical Symptoms:

- Chronic pain or health problems without a clear medical cause.

- Unexplained physical symptoms that may be linked to the stress and trauma.

I haven’t had this issue. I don’t know if my daily exercise and eating healthy regimen helps me with this.

How Do People Know They Have Complex PTSD?

Recognizing C-PTSD can be challenging because its symptoms often overlap with other mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. Here are some steps that can help individuals understand if they might have C-PTSD:

1. Self-Reflection and Awareness:

- Reflect on past experiences of prolonged or repeated trauma, especially during childhood or other periods where escape or safety was not possible.

- Notice patterns of emotional responses, relationship issues, and self-perception that align with C-PTSD symptoms.

I consider myself a fairly self-aware person and I was not aware that I had Complex PTSD. I thought I had both depression and anxiety. I get that research tells us to self-reflect and be aware but it feels like a huge blindspot to me.

My entire life I’ve had toxic familial relationships. In my gut, I knew something was wrong, but it was normal for my family dynamic. When I created my own family, I created different dynamics but I still felt pressured to keep my new family connected with members of the toxic family that I grew up in.

Not until my husband died and I no longer had to be the dutiful wife could I cut all the strings to toxic people and not worry about who would get angry.

I don’t want it to take another death in my family for me to do what’s right for me. I want to have the strength to do what’s right all the time.

2. Assessment by a Mental Health Professional:

- Seek an evaluation from a psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist who specializes in trauma and PTSD. They can conduct thorough assessments, including clinical interviews and standardized questionnaires.

- Be open about all symptoms, including those related to emotional and relational difficulties.

My therapist was extremely instrumental in helping me to understand that parents competing with you, undermining you, not choosing you, belittling you, or making you feel unworthy— all over an extended period of time —create the Complex-PTSD experience in their children.

Children who are living with their parents don’t feel they can escape when they are minors. And then when they are older, they often feel trapped by the familial relationship.

3. Learning and Education:

- Educate oneself about C-PTSD by reading reputable sources, attending support groups, or participating in online forums where others share their experiences.

- Understanding the condition can validate personal experiences and help in recognizing the signs and symptoms.

Learning about C-PTSD has really helped me. I still have a lot of healing to do, but I have already healed quite a bit.

4. Listening to Feedback from Loved Ones:

- Pay attention to feedback from trusted friends or family members who might notice changes or patterns in behavior that align with C-PTSD.

- Their observations can provide valuable insights that might be overlooked personally.

This is a tricky recommendation because some friends and family members cannot really tell when something is wrong with you or they may be contributing to the problem. If you have friends and family that you do trust, they probably can be a great resource.

5. Monitoring Physical Health:

- Note any chronic physical symptoms or health issues that might be linked to trauma and stress.

- Discuss these symptoms with healthcare providers to rule out other medical conditions and explore their possible connection to C-PTSD.

I started working out regularly when I was 19. I am determined to not allow toxic people or situations to get me down. Part of my motivation for working out is because I know working out keeps my stress at bay.

Complex PTSD is a serious and multifaceted condition resulting from prolonged trauma. Treatment often includes a combination of psychotherapy, such as trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR), and possibly medication to manage symptoms. Building a supportive network and engaging in self-care practices are also crucial components of managing and recovering from C-PTSD.

I personally use CBT and EMDR therapies. Both of those have helped me tremendously. I also have several daily, weekly and monthly self-care practices which have made the difference in my life.

Here are some of my most recent ongoing self care activities:

1. Daily Exercise

2. Daily Meditation

3. Daily Journaling

4. Daily Book Reading

5. 1x per Week Dining Out Treats

6. 1x per Week Visualization Activity

7. 1-2 per Week Motivational Call with Friends

8. 2x per Month Mental Health therapy visits

9. Monthly Massage Visits

10. Monthly Spa Visits

I don’t know what will work for you. I don’t even know if you have C-PTSD, but if you have felt trapped, down and anxious, there’s a chance you may have some unresolved issues. I encourage you too see a mental health care professional.